Like sunlight off of the water

Strange how different my life was exactly one month ago...or even 2 months ago. Some days it feels as though time passes so slowly, but I always seem to find myself at these points of reflection. It's like standing in the very last subway car and looking out the window at the train station you are pulling away from. Life moves so quickly away from the past, but somehow the past still lingers...or holds on..or stretches...or something.
At this moment, I feel that struggles over the last few months have resulted in what I can only deem God-given clarity. Literally: God has shown me things in a perspective that I never would have deduced on my own. As my life has changed and continued to rotate, there are so many new and amazing people in it. So many new experiences and strangers who don't feel strange to me. Even the people who have traveled along with me out of the grip of the past are somehow new also.
I can remember feeling so rushed a month ago..in such a hurry for huge commitments and international moves and connection and closeness and now...I'm not in a rush. I feel like my life is in a tube on a slow moving river. The water is warm, the sun's not too hot and I'm enjoying a beer. For the first time I can remember, I want to revel in this time. This time of being an adult and understanding my limits and accepting that although where I am is different than where I should be, I am still happy. My biological clock has quieted down and there is no desperation to be Mrs. Someone's Wife and the mother of xx children.
I think the trade-off of being able to pick up and travel throughout Europe is more fulfilling than a supernatural bond I could have with someone who came from me. Experiences are ruling out over responsibility. I am so selfish in this time...and I think that's okay <3

Inspired by Glitter in the Air by P!nk

Have you ever realized that you may never be quite "worth it" to the person you're with? It hasn't been said, but you feel it...or you see it in their actions. The way they don't seem to have time for you anymore, the way they absent-mindedly go about their hurried business and don't notice you are still in the room when they turn out the light, or the way you've been sleeping in different rooms because you are on completely different sleep schedules. Sex has become a task that the requester doesn't seem to have any effort to contribute to. The connection is fading the way an old battery slowly dies. The presence of your partner no longer warms you like the sun, but rather fades you like an old photograph left outside. Independence has turned to loneliness within the boundaries of a relationship; not like the freedom it once was when you were single. Or maybe the pain is not from the loneliness, but from being taken for granted. Being silently told "You are good enough to give me what I want and need, but you are not good enough for me to return the favor." Your ears have learned to identify the truth when they hear it...empty promises. Is this resentment? Is this the start of the end? How did this all fall apart? Why does it feel like I am the only one trying? Perhaps my view is skewed and my jaded mind is seeing only what it wants, but how do you know when to try harder and when to just give up?