Strange how different my life was exactly one month ago...or even 2 months ago. Some days it feels as though time passes so slowly, but I always seem to find myself at these points of reflection. It's like standing in the very last subway car and looking out the window at the train station you are pulling away from. Life moves so quickly away from the past, but somehow the past still lingers...or holds on..or stretches...or something.
At this moment, I feel that struggles over the last few months have resulted in what I can only deem God-given clarity. Literally: God has shown me things in a perspective that I never would have deduced on my own. As my life has changed and continued to rotate, there are so many new and amazing people in it. So many new experiences and strangers who don't feel strange to me. Even the people who have traveled along with me out of the grip of the past are somehow new also.
I can remember feeling so rushed a month ago..in such a hurry for huge commitments and international moves and connection and closeness and now...I'm not in a rush. I feel like my life is in a tube on a slow moving river. The water is warm, the sun's not too hot and I'm enjoying a beer. For the first time I can remember, I want to revel in this time. This time of being an adult and understanding my limits and accepting that although where I am is different than where I should be, I am still happy. My biological clock has quieted down and there is no desperation to be Mrs. Someone's Wife and the mother of xx children.
I think the trade-off of being able to pick up and travel throughout Europe is more fulfilling than a supernatural bond I could have with someone who came from me. Experiences are ruling out over responsibility. I am so selfish in this time...and I think that's okay <3
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