Lost at sea

Sometimes I wonder if I've made mistakes. Was my life supposed to turn out like this? Did I miss a turn somewhere? I try to stay optimistic, but some days I'm just not. I used to feel like I have so much time ahead of me, but now it feels more like it's all slipped past. I feel sad like I've lost something that can never be replaced. Some days, this life is so uncertain. Where I am doesn't feel like where I'm supposed to be.
I try to fill my days with excitement of some kind..planning trips, hanging out with people, getting outside my comfort zone and doing the things I've always been too scared to do. So, why do I feel sad? There is a longing in my heart for someone I haven't found yet. Are you out there? Can you hear me? Some days it feels like I'll never find you and it breaks my heart a little bit. I pray for you alot. I ask God to send you to me and I tell Him that I don't know how long I can wait. Honestly though, waiting is all I can do. Of all the men I have had in my life, I still haven't met you. I hope you'll find me one day...

Electric

I'm getting really overwhelmed by you. Sometimes I think about you and there is this rush of intensity. The things you say tumble through my mind over and over again. Right now I'm glad that we are so far apart...I feel like if you were too close, we would just collide and ignite. I'm always anxious to hear from you...will you flirt with me? Will you share more of yourself with me? Will you respond to my flirting?
I want to take things slow and work on being friends...I guess it's a good thing we have so much time and distance between us. Am I just imaging all this passion that could exist between us..is it just building up in my mind? I just can't stop thinking about you lately. I need to slow myself down. What if you aren't able to get closer to me than you are now? What if you end up farther away? I just can't deal with the distance - it's too difficult for me.
I guess there's no reason for all the questions. It is what it is...and I'm happy for that. But, I do have a feeling that this is just the beginning.