Do you ever get that unhappy feeling like where you are is not where you really want to be? I don't know exactly where I want to be. Actually, I do. I want to be where I feel happy. Some place where I have enough time for school and working out and me and friends and a job that doesn't leave me tired at the end of the day. How do I get to that place?! I'm definitely not there right now...that's for sure. Some days I think I would like to move to Hawaii next, then I think, no, I'll go back to the states. I would say I need a vacation, but the downside to vacations is that you always have to come back to whatever you needed a break from.
I feel like my life right now is not what I wanted it to be when I actually got to this point...unfortunately, I'm not sure exactly what I was expecting. "This" just doesn't feel right for right now. One of my girlfriends always tells me that sometimes the best thing to do is nothing...lucky for me that's my only choice right now.
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Sunday, October 11, 2009
30 really IS the new 20
For the past couple years I've been hearing about how 30 is the new 20, 40 is the new 30 and so on. I always kind of attributed this idea to science and chemistry and plastic surgery - as women, we all have the means to look 10 years younger than our real ages. Not to say that all women take advantage of these means, but most of us do. Personally, I use eye cream and a moisturizer almost every day.
The thing I didn't realize until today is that 30 is the new 20 in a societal way as well. I am 29 and am not married nor do I have any children. Mind you, I have had my days when I felt a loss because I lack these 2 things. Today, and even the past couple yesterdays, are not any of those days. I think about some of my closest girlfriends (6 specifically) and only one of them has a child...which was born when she was 33. We are independent, career-driven, fun-loving women. Women who vary in age, but we all have one thing in common - we are young-at-heart.
I was married once for 6 years. I got married when I was very young - 18. I didn't know myself yet and I had never given myself the time to figure out what I wanted in a partner or what I valued from someone else. Looking back, the relationship was never a good one - we never laid a foundation of friendship to support us through the rough times (and there were alot), so of course we became divided by years of blame and hurt. There was alot of control and abuse, which was mostly emotional, but at times threatened to become physical. I learned alot about myself and my strength from leaving that relationship. In a wierd way, that part of my life seems so long ago - like a past life.
I'll be 30 next July and I start to dread that number for a couple months after turning 29. Now it doesn't seem to bother me. It seems that I am the norm amongst women my age. It doesn't mean that I don't want to get married again one day or even that I don't want children - I do! I want a husband and family one day...I just feel lucky that I have more time to just be me.
The thing I didn't realize until today is that 30 is the new 20 in a societal way as well. I am 29 and am not married nor do I have any children. Mind you, I have had my days when I felt a loss because I lack these 2 things. Today, and even the past couple yesterdays, are not any of those days. I think about some of my closest girlfriends (6 specifically) and only one of them has a child...which was born when she was 33. We are independent, career-driven, fun-loving women. Women who vary in age, but we all have one thing in common - we are young-at-heart.
I was married once for 6 years. I got married when I was very young - 18. I didn't know myself yet and I had never given myself the time to figure out what I wanted in a partner or what I valued from someone else. Looking back, the relationship was never a good one - we never laid a foundation of friendship to support us through the rough times (and there were alot), so of course we became divided by years of blame and hurt. There was alot of control and abuse, which was mostly emotional, but at times threatened to become physical. I learned alot about myself and my strength from leaving that relationship. In a wierd way, that part of my life seems so long ago - like a past life.
I'll be 30 next July and I start to dread that number for a couple months after turning 29. Now it doesn't seem to bother me. It seems that I am the norm amongst women my age. It doesn't mean that I don't want to get married again one day or even that I don't want children - I do! I want a husband and family one day...I just feel lucky that I have more time to just be me.
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